Proudly serving unpolished working motherhood, with bipolar depression & hilarity on the side
It started with biting. I’d be working from home at my little white desk and my phone would buzz. On the other end was the preschool director, her voice mixing notes of frustration and sympathy. “I’m calling to let you know Banana bit a classmate today.” “Oh. Um. I’m so sorry to hear that,” I’d […]
The mystery woman beamed up at me from the restaurant booth. I smiled back, my brain stumbling to figure out if I knew her, when she said, “I work with autistic children. I can be a resource to you.” I stared at her. “I’m sorry – what?” She then proceeded to rattle off a short […]
The competition moms were going full force behind me. “LET’S GOOOOO, MAISY!!!….oh noooo. She just missed an AA time.” “She’ll get it next time. She looks so strong,” reassured the mom next to her. Next heat it was her turn. “COME ON, JACKIE, COME ON!!!….argh. GOOD RACE HONEY. Darn it. That was a second slower […]
The signs are all a lie, according to my husband. “Shit for sale!” he announces every spring, gesturing darkly to the hand-lettered signs. “Not enough crap of your own? Come buy ours!” When we drive by he adopts the persona of a soldier skirting hostile territory – eyes fixed straight ahead, not a break in […]
I have an allergy to spending money. It’s one of those allergies that appeared later in life, seeing as how one of my favorite activities as a college student was saving up my summer pay for the express purpose of blowing most of it on a shopping spree. Banana Republic, J. Crew, Urban Outfitters for […]
I was not a Hallmark movie kind of new mom. No obsessive nursery decorating, no mother-daughter dresses, no series of portraits declaring “I’m (this many) months old today!” You have to remember, I missed my own infant losing her umbilical cord due to my time in the special hospital. (If you’re new here, by “special […]
The thing that I’ve been drooling over for months drooled back. Ew. What I mean is, this beautiful cupcake of an opportunity that I’ve been eyeing for months was offered to me. And I turned it down. This isn’t how the story is supposed to go. I’m supposed to say, I took it! Here I […]
He bounded to the altar like a ball of positive energy in the land of Jesus. “Welcome!” he exclaimed, and then proceeded to pour out a beautiful PowerPoint laced with ambition and enthusiasm for our children’s program as the lights shone on his wrinkle-free face. Having begrudgingly left my seat at the back of the […]
The hole was right there, in the spot where any sudden move would trigger a glimpse of deepest inner thigh or maybe a crotch flash of undies du jour. Even a lady of low fashion standards like me couldn’t bring myself to wear them, so I stashed the accidentally x-rated jeans in a bottom drawer […]
Driving to the doctor’s office the other day, I saw it – our old home away from home. The toy park. Our once beloved, now forgotten spot that my daughter and I visited at least once a week for years, whiling away hours pushing plastic lawn mowers, ducking in and out of playhouses and going […]