The mystery woman beamed up at me from the restaurant booth. I smiled back, my brain stumbling to figure out if I knew her, when she said, “I work with autistic children. I can be a resource to you.” 

I stared at her. “I’m sorry – what?” 

She then proceeded to rattle off a short version of her resume. Meanwhile, my daughter was chilling behind me, waiting for us to go fill our drink cups. “She’s doing very well,” I told the woman, “but thanks anyway.”

Dammit on my ingrained politeness. I could have gone with, 

“Do you realize what a weird way that is to approach a total stranger?”

“Why are you assuming we need your help?”

“What if I were a plastic surgeon and ‘introduced’ myself by saying I can be a resource to your face?” Oooooh. BURN. 

Back in the moment, my daughter tugged on my arm. “What did that lady say to you?”

I told her. “How does she know I’m autistic?”

“I don’t know. Up to you if you want to ask.”

My brave girl headed in the woman’s direction. Coming back to our table, she reported, “She said she was observating me.”

Which, frankly lady? I’m going to assume you mean well. But that is creepy as hell. 

Kiddo and I sat at our table, split a mitten cookie and talked about school and cats and swim practice. We weren’t doing anything remarkable – just a mom and daughter grabbing a bite together. Before I came out of the bathroom, I imagine my daughter might have been sitting at the table, or perhaps walking around it, quietly narrating stories for the characters she’s created. I don’t see that as a problem. I don’t think it indicates any kind of need for help. Which makes me wonder, was this woman thinking such an innocent action needs to be ‘corrected’? Or is the fact that she clocked my daughter as autistic the reason she thought we need ‘resources’? 

Either way, creepy well meaning stranger, why are you presuming a need for correction where there isn’t one?

Ma’am, my daughter is badass. Like when she’s having fun hunting for wild animal bones, forcing me into a yard sale, or just breaking my heart in the best possible way by growing up. But you don’t know any of that. You saw a brushstroke. Kiddo and and hubs and I have been creating this messy beautiful canvas for over a decade. 

If you want to connect with us? First, presume the positive. It’s always there in every human! Assume she’s strong and gifted and good. Then get to know us. Have a conversation. One that doesn’t start out with, “I don’t know you from Eve but I think I’ve figured out something about you and I CAN HELP!!!”