Proudly serving unpolished working motherhood, with bipolar depression & hilarity on the side
It started with biting. I’d be working from home at my little white desk and my phone would buzz. On the other end was the preschool director, her voice mixing notes of frustration and sympathy. “I’m calling to let you know Banana bit a classmate today.” “Oh. Um. I’m so sorry to hear that,” I’d […]
The signs are all a lie, according to my husband. “Shit for sale!” he announces every spring, gesturing darkly to the hand-lettered signs. “Not enough crap of your own? Come buy ours!” When we drive by he adopts the persona of a soldier skirting hostile territory – eyes fixed straight ahead, not a break in […]
There’s a lot of fluffy half-truth bullshit out there around parenthood that just tap dances on the reality of what it is to raise another human. And the sugar-coated stories about motherhood in particular trigger the hell out of me, probably because I bought into them for so long. Silly me. Had I bothered to […]
Can’t this over-40 thing be beautiful, graceful and easy? Spoiler not spoiler….no. I can’t prettify life. But! I can prettify my house! Right?
Here’s the thing we’re not supposed to say in my family – one of our own can get irrationally angry over just about anything. We’ll call him “Schmad”. This doesn’t happen every day – in fact, most days it doesn’t happen. But that’s the rub of it – you never can tell when Schmad is […]
I have an allergy to spending money. It’s one of those allergies that appeared later in life, seeing as how one of my favorite activities as a college student was saving up my summer pay for the express purpose of blowing most of it on a shopping spree. Banana Republic, J. Crew, Urban Outfitters for […]
The thing that I’ve been drooling over for months drooled back. Ew. What I mean is, this beautiful cupcake of an opportunity that I’ve been eyeing for months was offered to me. And I turned it down. This isn’t how the story is supposed to go. I’m supposed to say, I took it! Here I […]
He bounded to the altar like a ball of positive energy in the land of Jesus. “Welcome!” he exclaimed, and then proceeded to pour out a beautiful PowerPoint laced with ambition and enthusiasm for our children’s program as the lights shone on his wrinkle-free face. Having begrudgingly left my seat at the back of the […]
The hole was right there, in the spot where any sudden move would trigger a glimpse of deepest inner thigh or maybe a crotch flash of undies du jour. Even a lady of low fashion standards like me couldn’t bring myself to wear them, so I stashed the accidentally x-rated jeans in a bottom drawer […]
Why, hello, holiday season. Here you ARE, again, in your blinding lights and screamy ads about buying stuff and random elves sprouting all over the place. Don’t take this the wrong way, but it’s a little much for those of us who find ourselves on the struggle bus this time of year. Also – I […]